I just finished doing laundry and as I was hanging up my shirts I realized that I haven't hung up any of my clothes since last summer when I had a handful of hangers in the extended stay hotel we were living in for four months.
And that's about as deep as our roots run, folks.
The truth is, we move a lot. The other, even greater truth, is that we love it. The excitement of a new adventure always waiting around the corner. Never knowing where you'll be two weeks from now, forget about a year from now. New restaurants, new shops, new sightseeing, new friends. It's just the way we live. I'm afraid it's become a little addicting.
Still, there are downsides. We're pretty good at coping with them and sometimes I think to myself, "no wonder people think we're crazy!" I have the benefit of being a human GPS and an avid explorer. I've been in Austin for a week and could already tell you almost everything to see within a 10 mile radius. But my husband is back on the road this week and I am alone. All alone. I have no friends here. I have nothing to do. I'm a partial homebody, so when I go into lockdown mode, sometimes it's days before I leave the apartment or have any interaction with another human being.
We went to church on Sunday for the first time. That's always the worst. I suppose the expectations of finding friends always overpowers the fear at being new and unusual, but it always creeps back in. It's always in that moment that I miss Phoenix and all the stability we had there. I have to remind myself to live in forward motion. For all I know, six months from now this could be my favorite place in the world (I doubt it, but we'll see).
It's nice to actually go to the store and be able to buy laundry detergent in some form other than single load packets from the travel section. Same goes for a lot of other things around here. I've actually even unpacked my toiletries and I'm trying to filter through them before I buy anything new.
I also like living with few attachments. I've purged most of our belongings since Phoenix and even though we still have way more than we need, we're getting there. It's nice to know that you can live on so little.
I'm not trying to evoke sympathy. I'm just in the adjustment period and since there is no end sight for this stop, there's a lot of uncertainty that comes with it. Still, we're all set up in a great apartment with plenty to do, decent weather, and did I mention that the company pays our rent and even has a maid come in once a week? Yeah, it's pretty spectacular.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Ordinary Day
Today was so bittersweet.
There was nothing exciting about it in the least. Nothing great and nothing terrible, the way that most days present themselves.
I felt a bit out of sorts all week. Mostly thanks to the monthly rush of hormones overtaking my body against my will. I've been experiencing every range of emotions from rage, hurt, tenderness, bliss, and solemnity. I'd be lying if I said I knew a great deal about coping with these extremities, so as usual, I handled them poorly and hoped that it would pass quickly.
It seems to have been contagious because I feel like my husband has mirrored every emotion at varying times, if only out of frustration. It seems to be wearing on him the way it's now wearing on me in a double dose. So I could hardly blame him for his minor meltdown this morning followed by a mild blowup at me over something trivial.
The truth is, I just need to be alone. Somehow in this strange existence I've grown into this appreciation for my time being a loner, both in circumstances and personality. I feel like societally I should be ashamed of this, but instead I've sort of embraced it and let it become a permanent part of me.
This year started off with a bang- so much excitement in such a short amount of time. I've loved every second of it. But somewhere along the way I've realized that I've had very little alone time. Much less than usual at least. And to be quite honest, I just can't function without it. I crave solemn, quiet moments more than I crave crowds and acceptance, or social interactions. That's not to say that I don't get lonely, because the pangs of loneliness, once they set in, cannot be easily cured, even to the point of madness. I guess it just takes longer for me to get there than most people.
So after subsiding my natural reactions to lash back out at my husband, I brushed him off and went about some of my business. Not avoiding him completely, but definitely trying to sustain my momentary independence. Once I felt some portion of success, I calmed down enough to at least make it through the day. Time, as nearly always, is my best and favorite ally.
My husband is so sweet. He is everything I dreamed he would ever be and more. He is such a better husband than I am wife. I don't think his talents lie in expressing himself accurately, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that he wants the best for me, and for every other minutely important person in his life, for that matter. I have a handful of moments, like today, where I just loathe him. I want anything but to be around him. But then, there are moments when I am overwhelmed with love for him. I have had many of these moments earlier this week. The pangs of tenderness are so hard to show externally, but they burn at my very soul. I can't help but remind myself that I would be nothing without him.
And where the day started out as nothing special, I end it being reminded of how lucky I am to have him and every other blessing in my life. Sometimes, after almost eight years of marriage, I look into his eyes and realize that we are but familiar strangers just helping each other through life. That love really is a force drawing us to each other, every hour of every day, despite the angst we might feel for each other at times. And that if I could go back in time and choose all over again, I wouldn't choose any differently.
I guess today was really special after all.
There was nothing exciting about it in the least. Nothing great and nothing terrible, the way that most days present themselves.
I felt a bit out of sorts all week. Mostly thanks to the monthly rush of hormones overtaking my body against my will. I've been experiencing every range of emotions from rage, hurt, tenderness, bliss, and solemnity. I'd be lying if I said I knew a great deal about coping with these extremities, so as usual, I handled them poorly and hoped that it would pass quickly.
It seems to have been contagious because I feel like my husband has mirrored every emotion at varying times, if only out of frustration. It seems to be wearing on him the way it's now wearing on me in a double dose. So I could hardly blame him for his minor meltdown this morning followed by a mild blowup at me over something trivial.
The truth is, I just need to be alone. Somehow in this strange existence I've grown into this appreciation for my time being a loner, both in circumstances and personality. I feel like societally I should be ashamed of this, but instead I've sort of embraced it and let it become a permanent part of me.
This year started off with a bang- so much excitement in such a short amount of time. I've loved every second of it. But somewhere along the way I've realized that I've had very little alone time. Much less than usual at least. And to be quite honest, I just can't function without it. I crave solemn, quiet moments more than I crave crowds and acceptance, or social interactions. That's not to say that I don't get lonely, because the pangs of loneliness, once they set in, cannot be easily cured, even to the point of madness. I guess it just takes longer for me to get there than most people.
So after subsiding my natural reactions to lash back out at my husband, I brushed him off and went about some of my business. Not avoiding him completely, but definitely trying to sustain my momentary independence. Once I felt some portion of success, I calmed down enough to at least make it through the day. Time, as nearly always, is my best and favorite ally.
My husband is so sweet. He is everything I dreamed he would ever be and more. He is such a better husband than I am wife. I don't think his talents lie in expressing himself accurately, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that he wants the best for me, and for every other minutely important person in his life, for that matter. I have a handful of moments, like today, where I just loathe him. I want anything but to be around him. But then, there are moments when I am overwhelmed with love for him. I have had many of these moments earlier this week. The pangs of tenderness are so hard to show externally, but they burn at my very soul. I can't help but remind myself that I would be nothing without him.
And where the day started out as nothing special, I end it being reminded of how lucky I am to have him and every other blessing in my life. Sometimes, after almost eight years of marriage, I look into his eyes and realize that we are but familiar strangers just helping each other through life. That love really is a force drawing us to each other, every hour of every day, despite the angst we might feel for each other at times. And that if I could go back in time and choose all over again, I wouldn't choose any differently.
I guess today was really special after all.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I'm Starting with the Man in the Mirror
Or in this case... woman.
Sigh. I miss blogging and although there's a handful of things I really ought to be doing right now, I feel like I just need to take a moment for myself and reflect on a few things in my life right now.
Life is good.
I wish I could help every one of you understand how sincerely I mean that. I feel so abundantly blessed in my life right now, regardless of my trials. I think back a couple years ago and remember how I wondered if I'd ever be able to say that again, and then I realize how far we've come.
I feel like the last two and a half years have been very challenging. There were times when I'd felt like I had lost nearly everything. There have been times when loneliness has literally taken over my existence and made me feel completely unimportant in this world. There have been trials, big and small; some faced gracefully and some not handled well. I'm not thankful for them all. I think people who say that are liars. Given the choice, I wouldn't go through them again. I also think people who say otherwise are liars.
But here I am. And not only that, but I feel like the transformation has only begun and it's gaining momentum quickly. I feel a lot of positive change on the horizon mixed with a whole new outlook on life. I've never, at any point in my existence, been so ready to embrace it.
Last month my husband took me to Las Vegas and we saw Cirque's Immortal show based on Michael Jackson. I didn't love the show, but I love me some MJ. Say what you will about him, but I think starting with the man in the mirror is exactly what we all need to do and I feel like at this point in my life, I have the courage to do it. Thank you for a beautiful, positive message!
Forge ahead fearless souls! Make a difference, even if it's only for yourself!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Chance Encounters
Sometimes I really enjoy running into people I know. I remember the first time I recognized someone I knew at our Walmart in Phoenix and I thought, "this is really where we live!" for us, these little things are huge things, mostly because our lives are more transient than most.
That's not to say we don't run into people on the road too, because we do. Mostly it's more fun that way because it's especially unexpected. More than once I've seen an old college friend in an airport somewhere. And in today's world where we track each other's every move electronically via social networking, it's even better when it's a real surprise.
Still, I think these encounters are a novelty because they don't happen all that frequently. I don't always have good days, and even if I did, I don't want to run into people I know everywhere I go. There's always the mandatory chit chat that takes place...
How you doing?
Fine.
What's new?
Not much.
Blah, blah, blah.
Am I the only person who dislikes these interactions? I guess I just feel like I'd rather hear something of substance.
Anyway, my home town is small, and not only is it small, most people never leave. If I had to guess the percentage of my graduating class that lives within and hour I'd say it's anywhere from 60-85%. seriously.
Now, I hate to be the kind of person that lets stupid things in high school dwell with me for life, but I didn't love it. I should be over it, and in many ways I am, but I don't like feeling like I'm reliving it, even occasionally. I keep track of the people I want to, I see most of the people I want to, and there are only a few exceptions, a handful maybe. I really feel like life got good the day I graduated, and the further I got from "home" the more amazing it got... exponentially.
In the same way I love to see some people, I really hate to see others. Not because I hate them as people, just because I am apathetic and don't feel like they can serve any remaining purpose in my life or I in theirs. That's a terrible thing to say isn't it? Well, it's true regardless.
So you can just picture me at the store with my mom the other day when I heard a familiar voice and turn around to see two old high school friends catching up. One I didn't want to see and the other I didn't mind, but either way I knew I didn't want to be caught in the middle of them. Luckily I saw them before they saw me and I tried to strategize a way to exit the building without them noticing me. We were in a hurry anyway so I couldn't feel that bad about it. Unfortunately they were standing right near the doorway. My first mistake was telling my mom, "I don't feel like talking to high school people today." she understood, but given their physical position she insisted that I'd at least have to say hi. Which I did, after she drew attention to the fact that we were there. Nothing more, nothing less, just "hi" before making a quick exit.
Ugh. I couldn't shake the feeling of how much I hate that. It always reaffirms the fact that I chose to move away and never return. I think my husband is the only one that understands this weird quirk (can it even be called that?) of mine. Not because he can relate, but because he's heard me talk about it for the past seven and a half years of marriage, my opinion and decision never wavering. My sisters know I'm this way, but I don't think they get it at all ( not that they should).
I knew even before I left high school that the world was waiting, and the moment that became apparent I couldn't wait to get the hell out. It was the best thing ive ever done for myself. So when I explain it to my husband I tell him that the stubbornness to never return comes from this self created image of failure. It's odd in a way.... I mean, if I were to live there I'd see myself as having failed at life, but I don't typically view other people that way. I get that some people choose to live there and some, in fact, could never bear the thought of leaving (insert future rant). Either way, I don't disrespect them for being there unless they constantly say they don't want to be. But if it were me, I'd be overcome with defeat stemming from the determination I had to leave in the first place.
Perfect example: I'm at dinner with my husband and some of my well traveled and successful friends from high school (from the classification of those I adore and keep track of). I'd go into more details, but they have seen the world and seen it good. They are open minded and interesting and have accomplished all kinds of things that I value in a person. Then one of them turns to me and says, "so how badly do you want to end back up in our home town?" while holding the vomit down I caught a glimpse of longing in his voice, which I semi-respected. Then I answered for myself, "about as badly as I want a root canal." here we are in Times Square, in one of the greatest cities on earth, and by far the most superior city in the US, and not only are we there, but I'm living there at the time and all I can think is that I feel so blessed to feel a sense of belonging here, something I never felt growing up, at least after the age of eleven. Still, I had to credit him for wanting that. Surely he knew better. Surely he'd seen what else was out there. And if there's anything I truly respect its people who make decisions based on who they truly are. My disgust for him wanting to move back there was replaced with respect for our differences and the fact that we could remain friends in spite of them.
We all experience life differently. We all grow in different places and at different times. And when it comes down to it, I just enjoy my wings more than I'll ever enjoy my roots. My parents and family may not like that at times, but they were the ones who opened my eyes and made me look around in the first place, and I thank them for it tremendously.
That's not to say we don't run into people on the road too, because we do. Mostly it's more fun that way because it's especially unexpected. More than once I've seen an old college friend in an airport somewhere. And in today's world where we track each other's every move electronically via social networking, it's even better when it's a real surprise.
Still, I think these encounters are a novelty because they don't happen all that frequently. I don't always have good days, and even if I did, I don't want to run into people I know everywhere I go. There's always the mandatory chit chat that takes place...
How you doing?
Fine.
What's new?
Not much.
Blah, blah, blah.
Am I the only person who dislikes these interactions? I guess I just feel like I'd rather hear something of substance.
Anyway, my home town is small, and not only is it small, most people never leave. If I had to guess the percentage of my graduating class that lives within and hour I'd say it's anywhere from 60-85%. seriously.
Now, I hate to be the kind of person that lets stupid things in high school dwell with me for life, but I didn't love it. I should be over it, and in many ways I am, but I don't like feeling like I'm reliving it, even occasionally. I keep track of the people I want to, I see most of the people I want to, and there are only a few exceptions, a handful maybe. I really feel like life got good the day I graduated, and the further I got from "home" the more amazing it got... exponentially.
In the same way I love to see some people, I really hate to see others. Not because I hate them as people, just because I am apathetic and don't feel like they can serve any remaining purpose in my life or I in theirs. That's a terrible thing to say isn't it? Well, it's true regardless.
So you can just picture me at the store with my mom the other day when I heard a familiar voice and turn around to see two old high school friends catching up. One I didn't want to see and the other I didn't mind, but either way I knew I didn't want to be caught in the middle of them. Luckily I saw them before they saw me and I tried to strategize a way to exit the building without them noticing me. We were in a hurry anyway so I couldn't feel that bad about it. Unfortunately they were standing right near the doorway. My first mistake was telling my mom, "I don't feel like talking to high school people today." she understood, but given their physical position she insisted that I'd at least have to say hi. Which I did, after she drew attention to the fact that we were there. Nothing more, nothing less, just "hi" before making a quick exit.
Ugh. I couldn't shake the feeling of how much I hate that. It always reaffirms the fact that I chose to move away and never return. I think my husband is the only one that understands this weird quirk (can it even be called that?) of mine. Not because he can relate, but because he's heard me talk about it for the past seven and a half years of marriage, my opinion and decision never wavering. My sisters know I'm this way, but I don't think they get it at all ( not that they should).
I knew even before I left high school that the world was waiting, and the moment that became apparent I couldn't wait to get the hell out. It was the best thing ive ever done for myself. So when I explain it to my husband I tell him that the stubbornness to never return comes from this self created image of failure. It's odd in a way.... I mean, if I were to live there I'd see myself as having failed at life, but I don't typically view other people that way. I get that some people choose to live there and some, in fact, could never bear the thought of leaving (insert future rant). Either way, I don't disrespect them for being there unless they constantly say they don't want to be. But if it were me, I'd be overcome with defeat stemming from the determination I had to leave in the first place.
Perfect example: I'm at dinner with my husband and some of my well traveled and successful friends from high school (from the classification of those I adore and keep track of). I'd go into more details, but they have seen the world and seen it good. They are open minded and interesting and have accomplished all kinds of things that I value in a person. Then one of them turns to me and says, "so how badly do you want to end back up in our home town?" while holding the vomit down I caught a glimpse of longing in his voice, which I semi-respected. Then I answered for myself, "about as badly as I want a root canal." here we are in Times Square, in one of the greatest cities on earth, and by far the most superior city in the US, and not only are we there, but I'm living there at the time and all I can think is that I feel so blessed to feel a sense of belonging here, something I never felt growing up, at least after the age of eleven. Still, I had to credit him for wanting that. Surely he knew better. Surely he'd seen what else was out there. And if there's anything I truly respect its people who make decisions based on who they truly are. My disgust for him wanting to move back there was replaced with respect for our differences and the fact that we could remain friends in spite of them.
We all experience life differently. We all grow in different places and at different times. And when it comes down to it, I just enjoy my wings more than I'll ever enjoy my roots. My parents and family may not like that at times, but they were the ones who opened my eyes and made me look around in the first place, and I thank them for it tremendously.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
A Disconnect
So lately, life has been.... baffling. Nothing has changed all that much besides the way I view myself and the world around me, but that's enough to keep the wheels spinning and have me wondering, "what on earth am I doing here?"
I feel this way all the time from specifics to generalities. Like, why am I here in this store? Why am I in this city? What am I doing on this planet?
These "why's" are constantly looming in my head lately and I just can't seem to shake them.
Sometimes it makes me feel so lost as if I'm having an identity crisis (and I may very well be). Other times I find comfort in knowing that I haven't gotten too comfortable with life and am still asking important questions. It seems like a key step in individual growth and progression.
I've felt variations of homesick in the past few months. Trouble is, it's never for the same place, people, or circumstances. I guess that happens when you're a modern day gypsy? It always surprises me what I find myself missing, what my heart aches for. So I headed back to Phoenix to attend a friend's wedding, but it was quite timely since I felt like I've been needing a fix. It's nice to have familiarity upon arrival, but the more time that passes since we moved from here, the more it feels like the ruins of a life that once was. Never have I felt more strongly about that as I do now.
Phoenix is a funny place for our little family of two. It's really the only place we've both called home in our marriage. Never before or since have we found a routine and people we love to surround ourselves with. We miss it. Leaving was probably the hardest point in our marriage and we both felt it on such personal levels. I knew that time would break us, but it's odd realizing that you no longer belong in your own life.
The contrast between what was and what could have been to what actually is, is astonishing. I don't see myself the same way I saw myself three years ago. I don't have the same attitude, aspirations, and desires that I did back then. And somehow.... it all seems tied to a place that I've really moved past, both emotionally and physically. Being in this place and surrounded by these people (whom I still adore) reminds me of how much I really have changed. Part of me wishes it weren't true because I only feel that way looking back. I probably could have been happy here living a much different life then I will now end up with. The other part of me is proud to know that my soul is a work in progress and it's ok to change my mind and be ever evolving.
My mindset has changed. My goals have me moving in a different direction. My aspirations are oh so different from what they once were. But my heart is still filled with love and gratitude for the person I became in this place and the people who shared with me in life and love. My journey has been enhanced by them. My life has been more beautiful because of it. I will forever be grateful for those things in the past that I feel so disconnected from in the present.
I feel this way all the time from specifics to generalities. Like, why am I here in this store? Why am I in this city? What am I doing on this planet?
These "why's" are constantly looming in my head lately and I just can't seem to shake them.
Sometimes it makes me feel so lost as if I'm having an identity crisis (and I may very well be). Other times I find comfort in knowing that I haven't gotten too comfortable with life and am still asking important questions. It seems like a key step in individual growth and progression.
I've felt variations of homesick in the past few months. Trouble is, it's never for the same place, people, or circumstances. I guess that happens when you're a modern day gypsy? It always surprises me what I find myself missing, what my heart aches for. So I headed back to Phoenix to attend a friend's wedding, but it was quite timely since I felt like I've been needing a fix. It's nice to have familiarity upon arrival, but the more time that passes since we moved from here, the more it feels like the ruins of a life that once was. Never have I felt more strongly about that as I do now.
Phoenix is a funny place for our little family of two. It's really the only place we've both called home in our marriage. Never before or since have we found a routine and people we love to surround ourselves with. We miss it. Leaving was probably the hardest point in our marriage and we both felt it on such personal levels. I knew that time would break us, but it's odd realizing that you no longer belong in your own life.
The contrast between what was and what could have been to what actually is, is astonishing. I don't see myself the same way I saw myself three years ago. I don't have the same attitude, aspirations, and desires that I did back then. And somehow.... it all seems tied to a place that I've really moved past, both emotionally and physically. Being in this place and surrounded by these people (whom I still adore) reminds me of how much I really have changed. Part of me wishes it weren't true because I only feel that way looking back. I probably could have been happy here living a much different life then I will now end up with. The other part of me is proud to know that my soul is a work in progress and it's ok to change my mind and be ever evolving.
My mindset has changed. My goals have me moving in a different direction. My aspirations are oh so different from what they once were. But my heart is still filled with love and gratitude for the person I became in this place and the people who shared with me in life and love. My journey has been enhanced by them. My life has been more beautiful because of it. I will forever be grateful for those things in the past that I feel so disconnected from in the present.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Taking Me by Surprise
So life has been marching on for us and I have so many mixed feelings about it. Spending this past summer in New Jersey was one of the best times of my life. The past two years have been a little rough for me and the Mr. I know that people have much harder trials than we do, but they are tailored for us and they've really worn us down. Luckily, our marriage is still standing strong. So this summer was an even greater relief that when we were there, we were both there, and when we went somewhere, we both went. Plus there was the benefit of having friends and family around and some sort of stability mixed with adventure- the perfect prescription for this clan.
Anyway, I've had a much harder time adapting after this past summer. It's almost like I got a glimpse of what life once was like and what it could be like again someday. At least.... I'm crossing my fingers. My husband has been extremely busy since we left New Jersey. He often works twelve or more hours a day and he is such a trooper about it. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I've been a trooper as well. While there's still plenty of joy to be had, our circumstances make everything seem like business. When I talk to the Mr. it's usually about bills that need paid, chores that need done, what our schedules are like and if we can coordinate. I know most people do this, but it's been pretty intense lately.
So, much of the time I have to just try and turn off my emotions. I try not to let things bother me and I honestly avoid being disappointed because I know that what he is doing is all for the betterment of our family and our situation. I love him for it.
But.... every once in a while it sneaks up on me. Yesterday I met him for lunch before I headed to Phoenix for a wedding and he headed back to New Jersey (with twelve hours notice and no return flight). I try to let him know what my plans are, but it's very hard to plan around him, so I try to keep myself busy. And yes, I would have been gone during the next two weeks regardless, but as I kissed him goodbye, my heart sank. I got in my car and burst into tears.
And yes, it surprised me.
Sometimes our lives look like all fun and games, but there are very lonely moments for us both. I wouldn't necessarily change things, yet there are times when I wish that life were just a little bit easier. This was one of those moments where all the intense emotions snuck up and just grabbed a hold of me. I tried to shake it off quickly and only let myself cry for five or so minutes before I switched back to robot/survival mode.
Knowing he's in New Jersey is a little bit hard. It feels like the safe haven we had to give up. I just have to keep reminding myself that this too shall pass.
Anyway, I've had a much harder time adapting after this past summer. It's almost like I got a glimpse of what life once was like and what it could be like again someday. At least.... I'm crossing my fingers. My husband has been extremely busy since we left New Jersey. He often works twelve or more hours a day and he is such a trooper about it. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I've been a trooper as well. While there's still plenty of joy to be had, our circumstances make everything seem like business. When I talk to the Mr. it's usually about bills that need paid, chores that need done, what our schedules are like and if we can coordinate. I know most people do this, but it's been pretty intense lately.
So, much of the time I have to just try and turn off my emotions. I try not to let things bother me and I honestly avoid being disappointed because I know that what he is doing is all for the betterment of our family and our situation. I love him for it.
But.... every once in a while it sneaks up on me. Yesterday I met him for lunch before I headed to Phoenix for a wedding and he headed back to New Jersey (with twelve hours notice and no return flight). I try to let him know what my plans are, but it's very hard to plan around him, so I try to keep myself busy. And yes, I would have been gone during the next two weeks regardless, but as I kissed him goodbye, my heart sank. I got in my car and burst into tears.
And yes, it surprised me.
Sometimes our lives look like all fun and games, but there are very lonely moments for us both. I wouldn't necessarily change things, yet there are times when I wish that life were just a little bit easier. This was one of those moments where all the intense emotions snuck up and just grabbed a hold of me. I tried to shake it off quickly and only let myself cry for five or so minutes before I switched back to robot/survival mode.
Knowing he's in New Jersey is a little bit hard. It feels like the safe haven we had to give up. I just have to keep reminding myself that this too shall pass.
Keep Your Sugar
Recently we have moved back to Utah. I dislike it here. I have my reasons, but I'll leave it at that for now. And yes, I am qualified to hate it because I grew up here.
I don't like sugar coating. Unless your a child, you should hear things the way they are. I'm not saying that people need to say mean or malicious things, but I do believe that honesty is the best policy, even when it's hard to bear. Which leads me into the number one thing I hate about living here: People who insult you while pretending to be nice.
The best and perfect example is when people use the term "bless her heart." Or his heart, or their heart, or whatever. Bleh. Just stab them in the back why don't you. People don't say it because they actually wish blessings on a person, and they use it as an excuse to say anything. Such as, "She's such a husband stealing home wrecker, bless her heart." Yeah, keep your ill fated "blessings" to yourself. My heart is fine. And if you're using it sarcastically to mock these people, then please, use it more.
Another backhanded compliment? Using the term "dearest" if you're under the age of 65. I think my grandmother is the only person in this world I have ever heard use this genuinely. Otherwise, it's a precursor for a comment that is only meant to be condescending. So, if you think you are better than everyone else, then by all means, use it frequently. But I see right through you, so don't expect us to be friends.
These are not exclusive (nor are they mutually exclusive). There are many ways to try and convince people that you are being nice but actually have ill intent. If I dislike you, I will not try and be your friend, as a favor to you. That is my promise. I only ask that you do the same.
I don't like sugar coating. Unless your a child, you should hear things the way they are. I'm not saying that people need to say mean or malicious things, but I do believe that honesty is the best policy, even when it's hard to bear. Which leads me into the number one thing I hate about living here: People who insult you while pretending to be nice.
The best and perfect example is when people use the term "bless her heart." Or his heart, or their heart, or whatever. Bleh. Just stab them in the back why don't you. People don't say it because they actually wish blessings on a person, and they use it as an excuse to say anything. Such as, "She's such a husband stealing home wrecker, bless her heart." Yeah, keep your ill fated "blessings" to yourself. My heart is fine. And if you're using it sarcastically to mock these people, then please, use it more.
Another backhanded compliment? Using the term "dearest" if you're under the age of 65. I think my grandmother is the only person in this world I have ever heard use this genuinely. Otherwise, it's a precursor for a comment that is only meant to be condescending. So, if you think you are better than everyone else, then by all means, use it frequently. But I see right through you, so don't expect us to be friends.
These are not exclusive (nor are they mutually exclusive). There are many ways to try and convince people that you are being nice but actually have ill intent. If I dislike you, I will not try and be your friend, as a favor to you. That is my promise. I only ask that you do the same.
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