I basically feel inadequate in everything I do.
Inadequate daughter.
Inadequate wife.
Inadequate grown-up.
Inadequate person.
And the list goes on.
I just don't understand how people have it so together and I feel so out of control? It may not seem so from my even temper, but I am a stress master rolled up into this little human body that suffers greatly for it. I just feel like no matter what I do, I can never seem to get it together.
I feel alienated from my family, perhaps only by fault of my own. Still, whatever caused it isn't going to change and it doesn't seem to bother any of them in the least. On top of that I feel like a paramount disappointment to my parents. All the things I hoped to turn out to be and make them proud have failed miserably.
My husband is a great guy. Truthfully, he is. Still, I am constantly feeling like I don't live up to his expectations which I am sure is only mirrored by the fact that I feel the same way about him. I feel like when things aren't perfect or I need to take a time out for a minor (or major) breakdown, he just can't deal with it. His not getting along with my mom also makes it hard to balance between the two. I can't stand being with both of them at the same time because I am having to absorb eye rolls in every direction.
I somehow missed the college 101 course on transitioning to adulthood. I just plain suck at it. Where do people get all these ideas to become these great performing, social, well adjusted and accomplished human beings? I am none of the above. I have no confidence in myself which translates to horrible self esteem and lack of enthusiasm for life. Sure I have my moments, but they consist of very high highs and very low lows.
I just feel like a disappointment to everyone. Sure I have a few talents, but thus far have proved absolutely worthless. The thing is... I want to change. I just don't even know where to begin.
