My Mortal Prison

So the other day I was in the car with my parents and I don't remember the unfolding of this conversation, but it happened...

My mom brought up some incident where someone maybe claimed to have seen their body as they died and their spirit drifted off into heaven- or maybe it was all hypothetical. As we soaked in the thought casually she asked us, "That would be so weird. What would you be thinking as you drifted away and saw your own body lying there?"

"WOOHOO! I am so done with you!" I shouted without too much thought.

It caught them both off guard but they both started laughing. My dad started nodding in agreement and said he might feel the same way. My mom just kind of shrugged and smiled at the thought.

I said, "What? You don't think Grandma felt that way?"

We all concluded that I'm sure she did. If you're a blog follower you'll know that she passed last April after a long battle with an aging body. It was awful. I just felt so much pity for her as it continued, and as sad as it was to see her go, we all knew she was shouting praises as she left us all behind. My mom even said she felt like other close family members who have passed kind of lingered or looked back, but not our sweet Grandma! She was over it.

So, to give a little substance to my comment, I just feel imprisoned by my mortal body sometimes. A lot of times. And I have to admit that I'm grateful for every pain free day full of "normal" activity, and I've had a lot of them lately.

Still, arthritis is not kind on the human body. It's extremely crippling when it gets severe and the shame of being in a wheelchair at 25 is something you don't quickly forget. The embarrassment of having someone assist you in the bathroom can steal your dignity, and the mental adjustments you have to make to accommodate your physical limitations are more suited for someone three times your age.

So it always has me wondering...

why does my body have a hard time doing this....

While other people can use their bodies to do this!!

It amazes me. I don't even know how people come up with these things. "I know! Let's try...."

Really? C'mon. That's just too amazing.

Struggling with physical problems in my twenties constantly has me worrying about what it will be like when I'm in my thirties, or forties, or fifties, or beyond! I mean, if it's bad now, what's to come? So you can maybe understand why my spirit will be rejoicing at it leaves my mortal body in the dust. Not to be morbid, but it sure makes death seem a little bit wonderful.