As a kid I was the one who did whatever the teacher told me to do. I'm sure I expressed a little more attitude at home, but as the oldest I was still the responsible one, the example setter. I had a friend in elementary school who was a "free spirit" - aka the opposite of what I was. I remember she used to wander the halls at recess, as we were strictly forbidden to do, and only occasionally got caught. I even remember watching her a few times through the outside glass window on the door. When she did get caught, a teacher would just give a slight scolding and send her back outside. No big deal, right? Wrong. Public humiliation was never an option for me. Sure I could generally hold it together, but I would cry and assume unfathomable amounts of guilt once I had a minute to myself.
I'm not sure how I became this way, but it has generally stuck with me. I still like to make rules, just so people know what to expect. I like to keep things organized. I don't get out of line, I raise my hand instead of talking out of turn, and I always act responsibly. I guess I'm like a lifetime hall monitor or something.
I think I'm proud of that. I do feel overly cautious most of the time and I may miss out on a few wild adventures, but I'm always aware of it thanks to marrying the devil's advocate. He's always trying to get me to loosen up and "live a little." I suppose it's just what I need. I got nervous sneaking drinks into the movie theatre last week because I knew it "wasn't allowed." But in all fairness, I was sick and needed Gatorade (whew, at least I can justify it). I don't know why but I am always such a stick in the mud.
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