I'm in the mood to blog.

The question is- about what?

I don't really have anything to share....

Or maybe I have too much to share and just can't organize my thoughts.

Yep, that's it.

So what will it be tonight? Ahh....

My husband finally caved and got us the Netflix. I'm not a huge advocate of tv. I really never watch it except when my husband picks something out and I'm in the same room. Which is basically always. So yeah, I guess I watch a lot of tv, or rather just listen in on it. Some things catch my interest and others don't. When he goes to work I never turn the thing on and sometimes when I try I realize I don't even know how. Pathetic.

Anyway, like I said, he caved and got the Netflix. He only got me to agree to the 30 day trial up front because I don't like paying for stuff we don't use (and by we, I mean I). Plus we don't pay for our cable right now- not because we're stealing it or anything (even though I think that's morally gray and wouldn't necessarily be against it), but it's included in our HOA fees or something weird.

Tangents.

The point is... I love it. I admit it whole heartedly. I've always been a big fan of Hulu and such because I can catch the shows I know I want to watch (and with very few commercials), in the time I choose. But Netflix has opened me up to a new way of watching tv (something I still don't condone getting sucked into). I have become somewhat of a documentary whore, for starters. But I feel like I'm learning a lot about obscure and various things. Most of these will be rendered useless random knowledge, but I find them interesting regardless. Plus it's better than watching some filthy smut reality tv or something (*cough* Jersey Shore *cough*).

Another great feature is that it recommends things based on what you watch. Not only individual viewings, but entire categories. It's been quite comical and somewhat disturbing to see what it suggests to the husband and I. I probably shouldn't bring attention to this, but after a few days of my using the Netflix there was a category called "Documentaries on Food." The husband rolled his eyes knowing full well that it's been a recent prolonged obsession of mine. However, the power was put back in my hands when after a few days of him using the service it created a category called "Raunchy Comedies." That's right. My husband ladies and gentlemen.

He does like the documentaries as well. Plus it gives immediate updates on things like SNL (something he's recently brought to my attention), so you don't have to wait for it to come out on DVD. Great news for me since I'm in bed most Saturday nights (hey, I'm getting old- don't judge me).

So my final thoughts on the matter are- it's cheaper than a movie. Just get it.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT get paid by Netflix in any way, shape or form. I just like it and wanted to share. But if you do know how to get me paid for my endorsement, I could always use a vacation.

The Passing of Time

Lately I've felt like time has been slipping right by. Not only in my day to day life, but I'm hitting some pretty big milestones this year and it seems so surreal.

10 years with the company

7 years with the marriage

30 years of life

It's just amazing how I can talk about things that happened TEN years ago and feel like it all happened yesterday. I can't believe that I remember those things with such clarity. Even high school is a little fuzzy (thanks mostly to my efforts to forget it), but from the day I graduated everything just stuck. I always say that MY life really began that day- not the one my parents were navigating- and obviously the memories have followed me all along.

I've been feeling a little sentimental about it all. I don't necessarily like being sentimental, but it seems to remind me of where I've been and I know that it's all a part of who I am now. In all honesty- I would go back ten years and do it all over again in a heartbeat.

I Miss....

As Thanksgiving has come and gone and I've spent time reading on facebook and blogs what everyone is thankful for, I can't help but recognize how private a person I am. I don't like to share anything too personal, I prefer to mask my feelings, and I keep many things locked up inside. This is neither good nor bad, just who I am. Still, I feel so touched from reading what other people are grateful for and recognize so many similar blessings in my own life.

Tonight as I lay in bed, emotionally exhausted from the week, I've been thinking of the things I miss. And I guess in a way, the things I miss are the things I am grateful for, or once was. So here is a mash up of things I miss and am grateful for....

I miss my little brother. He's serving a mission in France and has only been gone 8 months, leaving 16 more to go. I eagerly wait to hear from him each week and can't wait to talk to him on Christmas. I miss his energy when we are together as a family and I miss talking to one of my very best friends.

I miss my house. It's no longer mine, but I still miss it. I miss the way everything we owned had it's own place in that house. I miss the warmth of friendship that seemed to fill it so frequently. I miss lying in bed at night and feeling like I had a place to really call home. I miss having my own little piece of land with my very own castle.

I miss my friends. They are spread far and wide and we rarely get to see them, though I think about them often. This year has been a terrible year for us socially. I miss late night chats with other couples. I miss having someone else to call to go to a movie or dinner. I miss borrowing eggs from the neighbor. I miss inviting people over for dinner. I miss having their kids around. I miss laughing with them. I miss girls' nights and girls' trips. I miss the feeling of having someone to lean on and let my walls down with. I miss having friends that really are friends.

I miss my nieces and nephews. They are still fairly new to me, but I am surprised at how much I instantly loved them. I miss the ridiculous things they do and all the ways they make me smile. I miss their cute little faces and their funny little ways. I wish I could just pack them up and bring them with me everywhere I go. They have a way of making any day a good one.

I miss the way things were. Is that generic enough for you? Ha. I miss being a kid and never having to worry about anything. When the most important parts of my day were who would sit by me at lunch and play with me at recess. I miss living in an apartment filled with girls. It involved a lot of drama, but also a lot of very good memories. I miss my best roommate of all time- staying up late watching Friends, making paper chains for Christmas in September, and complaining about our other roommates. I miss the early days of being married and all the excitement that surrounded us. Seems like 6 years of mundane has crept in and just changed us in some ways.

I miss my job. I am thankful for the one I have, but it's nothing compared to where I've been. I miss feeling satisfied by what I do and knowing that getting paid is not my only reward.

I miss feeling like I'm in control. It's starting to come back, but I've felt extremely incapable over the past year. I've been very humbled finding out what I actually can control and what I can't.

I miss the warmer weather. Every time I think "it won't be that bad," it proves that it really is that bad... even worse. We used to have the luxury of traveling frequently and living in a great climate. Now we have neither, but it still could be worse. If anyone knows of an island I could buy somewhere, please contact me.

I am most grateful, as always, for my husband. My knight in shining armor who seems to miraculously turn things around when they aren't going well. I am thankful that he has a job and that he supports me in anything I choose to do- even if that involves watching movies all day. He has an amazing talent for making me feel better and always keeping me well fed. I am thankful for his efforts to finish school and improve our family's future.

I am thankful for the things that have stayed intact through a year of hardship- love, faith, friendship, trips to Disney, and being with people that I love when it really counts. Without these, the year might have been completely unbearable.

I am thankful for my grandma, who is on my mind frequently. I am thankful to know that her life is a legacy for me to live up to. I am so grateful to know that I can be with her forever, especially when her loss is still so new. I am grateful for the example she always was to me and the handfuls of cousins I have that started with her.

I am thankful for my recent turn of good health. It's a very long, hard road to walk alone and it can be especially hard when you know just what you're missing. Physical limitations are so frustrating and discouraging, so for the time being, I am grateful to be mostly without them.

Regardless of the troubled year behind us, we have enjoyed so much abundance and even luxury from time to time. I have learned the importance of charity, friendship, and unconditional love. I am grateful to have walked this path with the best partner I could ever find. I am so, so blessed in spite of my cynicisms.

Sweet Simplicity

Talk about blog neglect. Sheesh.

I'm starting to feel the change in the seasons. I'm typically for endless summer, but this year I have been anticipating fall. I prayed and prayed that this year would speed by and, though some days it doesn't feel like it, I think for the most part it's done just that. From Halloween to New Year's is always a blur, so I'm sure we'll be there in no time.

When I think about the past I have some really great memories... and a handful of bad ones. I think this will be one of the years I choose to remember very little about, but in all honesty it's been such a growing year for us.

Knowing that it's almost over and feeling the winds of change about to hit us again, I can't help but feel mellow about the few months ahead. One last sigh before the get up and go. Although life always has it's complications, I am enjoying the sweet simplicity of ours at the moment. I am excited for what lies ahead, but wonder if I'll ever look back on this year with fondness for the simple ways it has brought us together as a family.

Getting Married Young

I'm pushing 30. Yeah, I said it. And no one can convince me that I'm "not that old." I know it's a big one coming up and to be quite frank, it scares me. I feel like I was just in high school..... that was just barely, wasn't it?

Now, I've been married for 6 years. You can't even count that on one hand. Now as all my "older" single friends are buying rings and tying the knot, I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. Suddenly, all the friends we pitied and thought might never find "the one" have done it! And all on their own terms.

I don't regret getting married. I don't. If there is one thing that's been good for me in this life, it's my husband. But, I can't shirk the feeling that we were SOOO young and what did we know anyway? Nothing. That's exactly what we knew.

Being Mormon, the pressure was on at age 22. Especially from my mother and heaven forbid you turn 25 and not be married! Luckily, I found a good one at the time, but what if I hadn't? Let's see.... I would have eventually told my mother off, traveled the world, and squeezed in some extra school! All to get married happily just a few short years later and still with plenty of time to spare:)

I guess a lot of babies who get married have babies. My sister and bestie are prime examples. They are 26 and 28 respectively with 3 little ones each at home. But, I don't- so here I am pushing 30 with really nothing more to show for it than my single friends who are just now getting married.

I guess I also feel guilty because the hubby really never did all those things. I feel like I stole that time away from him even though he consistently tries to convince me that that's the way he'd have it anyway. I'm not so sure. I think it's definitely brought some challenges into our marriage.

I am glad for the time we've had to grow together.... but sometimes I just wonder what it would be like to have waited a little bit longer.

I'm not a phone person

Yeahhhhh.....

I just don't like to talk on the phone. That's it. It's pretty simple.

True I've been known to carry hour long phone conversations in the past, but they really are rare. And they usually occur with a handful of the same people. My mother being one and half the time I'm trying to get off the phone with her.

I like to have a good conversation, but it takes a lot for me to pick up and call someone. The hubby is bothering me about this all the time. He says I'm gonna lose all my friends and deserve to if I don't pick up the phone once in a while. I'm just not really that comfortable with it. I'd much rather see people face to face, although I realize that's not usually possible.

The second half of my phone phobia is not picking up the phone. Sometimes I just don't feel like chatting. It's nothing against anyone personally. It's just the weirdness inside me. Especially if it's a number I don't recognize. Why? I never answer those!

I must say that I definitely don't like to pick up the phone when I am spending my time with other people. I think the people I am with deserve to be with me. I generally try to turn my phone off or just not answer it if I am in the middle of something. I think part of the reason is because my hubby always answers the phone. I get it sometimes because I know he has to take work calls most of the time. But then it just grows exponentially from there. I guess after too many occasions wishing he was spending the time with me instead of on the phone has really pestered me all these years. If I were single, I would die if a man answered his phone on a date! In rare instances it might be ok, but only for brief conversations lasting less than 2 min tops.

Then there's the way people talk on the phone- sometimes as if no one else can hear them! It's amazing what you can overhear, and let's be honest, I'm just a pretty private person. I don't want random strangers or even other friends or family listening in on all my conversations.

Cell phones can be great, but they really only make the problem worse. So to any friends out there- call me! I may answer, but if I don't it's nothing personal. And I'm sorry I don't call you. It's just the way I am.

Making "Plans"

So, I'm a type A personality, no doubt. I like to think about things for a long time and plan them out in advance. I like to make all kinds of plans- day plans, weekend plans, year plans, life plans. It's just who I am. But, the thing about making plans is that they never really turn out!

I stay pretty flexible when the plan changes and in the past few years I've even ventured to embark into unplanned territory and just try my hand at going with the flow. It's been nice to just GO. Still, I never seem to accomplish much without a plan, so I still much prefer having one.

Recently, no plans really seem to work out. So my new plan is to have no plan. Can you plan to have no plan? I don't know, but I'm doing it anyway.