As the oldest child I was born with that "eager to please" gene. A lot of first children get that. Sometimes it's built in and sometimes it's harvested through expectation, but whatever the reason, it definitely exists. Even as an adult I feel like different pressure is placed on me by being the oldest child. It's probably all in my mind at this point, but I'm not sure I'll really ever overcome it.
Because of this attitude I feel like I'm very much a Type A personality. I feel like I have a strong moral compass and try not only to do what's right, but try to do everything to the very best of my abilities. When things go bad I aim to do things better than everyone else. I think most of the praise I thrived off of as a child came from completing things well or better than expected, particularly from my father. There is something in me that just never wants to disappoint him and impressing him is even more rewarding.
This is all well and good, but since I feel like I live by a high moral standard and value responsibility, I don't feel like I need much guidance (a terrible flaw of mine). I'd rather do things myself than delegate them to others and I'm very independent. If someone doubts me, I'll do whatever I can to prove them wrong. I guess my driving force is the three year old attitude of, "I'll do it the way I want and I'll do it myself!" So, (I'm sort of feeling exposed here) stubbornness is a real strong trait of mine- feel free to ask my husband about it.
Because of all these things, there is nothing I hate more in this whole world than being told what to do. I can't stand it. Since I'm usually the bossy one, I hate getting a taste of my own medicine. I will refuse to do something just because of the nature in which it was insisted. Requests are fine, but telling me the way it is is NOT effective.
Prime example-
In high school my parents gave me a curfew (I had one earlier, but it never mattered because I couldn't drive anyway and neither could my friends). It was a pretty regular curfew of midnight. I felt like that was pretty fair and there were few nights that I'd prefer to be out later than that anyway. But they TOLD me the way it was, and that did not go well. The firmer my curfew got, the longer I'd push it back. I'd literally be doing nothing interesting, but I wanted them to know that I could manage myself and make my own decisions. Even looking back, I know I could (unlike many teens). Sometimes I'd sit in my car around the corner waiting for my curfew to pass just to piss them off (ridiculous, I know- shall we revisit the word stubborn?).
The curfew situation got worse and worse and so did my relationship with my parents and our tolerance for each other. One day my mom finally said to me, "Ok, I trust you. You have no more curfew."
FREEDOM!
Thank goodness I had a mother willing to recognize the problem. In the following months I can't even tell you how many times I was home by 10:30, just because there was nothing interesting to do. My parents were in heaven and the one or two nights I stayed out past midnight worried them much less. I'd usually roll in not much later and I had usually fallen asleep at my friend's house anyway. It was glorious.
My sister on the other hand, had no curfew and would be out ALL night long. So my parents gave her a curfew and she was rarely a minute late. She would have been in big trouble and she knew it.
We were just different kids and my parents learned it early enough to adapt. Different things just work for different people- and boy, are we different people!
Still, I do things like this all the time. If someone tells me to do something, I won't just to spite them. It's quite ridiculous. I guess I feel like I was a good kid that didn't need monitoring so this was my only was to rebel without making myself unhappy. That definitely carried into adulthood. I'm not saying I always made, or continue to make, sound judgements, but I'm pretty capable and I just don't like being bossed around.
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